Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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