you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
