I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize