is your mom at the bar?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
