He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
