Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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