i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
