I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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