Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
