she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
