I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
