I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
