I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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