i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
