College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize