I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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