True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
