I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
