u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
