I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Drake has all the answers
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
