Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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