I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
