smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he thought i was a dude.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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