On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
