i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize