Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
