i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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