you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
