nut hugger
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
