and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
