Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
