Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
