U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize