Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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