I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
