i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
pray to the hookup gods
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
