i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
