My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
