I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
