Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
