You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
