ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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