I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize