Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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