I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
