Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
