We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
