I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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