i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
