so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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