first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
