dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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