Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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