Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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