I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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