apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
