My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
