dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
