She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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