He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
