I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
