I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
