Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
